Rosie was due on May 26th, 2022. Months before she was born, Camille went back and forth, trying to decide if she wanted to be induced or not. Ultimately, she decided to be induced. She and Dr. Barrett decided on May 20th (which was a Friday) for her induction date. I could hardly wait and at the same time, felt like nothing was ready. We were in the middle of house renovations and I so badly wanted everything to be just perfect when we brought Rosie home. The months before she was born were spent gutting closets and ordering things for the nursery and my very favorite- folding Rosie’s tiny clothes. We lived with grandma and grandpa for a few weeks while things on our house were completed and grandma and I planned out all Rosie’s outfits for Portland. We even made sure her headbands and swaddles matched her pajamas. Everyone was beside themselves with excitement.
I very often felt a feeling like I didn’t want it to happen yet- not because I didn’t want to hold Rosie in my arms (which I wanted more than anything) but just because I could sense that it was going to be one of the most sacred and special experiences of me entire life and I didn’t want it to be over. I wanted to just stay in the excited anticipation I was feeling to hold my little girl- but I also knew that nothing would be better than actually holding her.
McKay and I decided to leave for Portland on a Wednesday. We left the boys with grandma and grandpa for the school week and then Friday night, Papa John picked them up and had them until Saturday when we got back home. As McKay and I left Seattle, we stopped at Molly Moon’s and I got a hot fudge brownie sundae. I sat there just thinking how wonderful life was. I was eating my favorite treat and I was about to meet my baby girl. We got to Portland and met Camille and Bryce for dinner. We talked about how we wanted things to go at the hospital, but all I remember is just feeling so much love for Camille. I just so badly wanted everything to go exactly as she wanted it. I never worried one second that her desires would be contrary to what I would want for our baby. I just knew our baby girl was in the very best hands. Looking back, that is one of the greatest blessings of our whole experience. I never ever worried about my baby. I trusted Camille almost more than I trust myself, and I am so grateful Heavenly Father brought us together. There are so many qualities Camille has that were (and are) such a blessing to me.
Although the induction date was set for Friday, we found out that Dr. Barrett was thinking of having Camille check in Thursday night and begin a low dose of pitocin. McKay and I spend all of Thursday getting ready. For some reason, it felt like I had forgotten one million things- so we went out to breakfast and then drove around doing random errands to grab things I had forgotten (like a duffel bag for the hospital!) Originally, I wanted to go to the temple the day before Rosie was born. I knew going there would help me be in the mindset I wanted to be in, but honestly I was so excited and unable to be still, we just kept busy instead. Camille and Bryce were checking in that night, so we met them at the hospital and I went inside with them when they checked into their room.
I was trying really hard to decipher what Camille needed from me. I wanted her to feel absolutely supported but I also didn’t want to be in the way. I knew if I were in her shoes, I would probably just want to relax- so we all decided I would go in to the hospital, meet her nurse, and then leave. At that point, we were sure who could be in the delivery room. Bryce was the first priority so he could be there supporting Camille. I felt like they would let me, but we still weren’t sure about McKay. I went in to the hospital with them and met the nurse. It all felt so surreal- checking in at the bottom floor- then checking in on the floor she would deliver on. It felt like a dream. I couldn’t quite grasp it because it all felt too good to be true. I couldn’t believe it was happening. We got to the room and Camille got in bed. Bryce and I sat on the couch and the nurse handed us pamphlets with information. I was happy she had some for me- as I wasn’t sure how involved I got to be. The packet had birth certificate information and baby safety hand-outs and I just felt so much gratitude that I was actually on that couch, in that hospital about to have my own baby.
I wanted to give Camille some space so I left the room for a moment to walk into our room next door. They had a room set up for us right next to Camille’s- Room 317. There was a bed and a bassinet and everything there would be as if I was delivering in that room. I set my water and packet on the table next to the bed and walked over to the bassinet. I carefully touched it and looked at the tiny hat. Every second felt like the best dream I still couldn’t quite grasp.
Camille kept us updated constantly. The plan was for her water to be broken early the next morning, so McKay and I got up early, packed, and made sure we were ready to go. Camille and Bryce were great at keeping in contact with us. As the morning went on, I learned that there were quite a few times Camille was in a lot of pain. She would text me whenever she could and then other times, Bryce would text us. She had tested positive for Group B Strep, so she needed an antibiotic for about four hours before delivering. Because the nurse didn’t give it to her in time, the doctor couldn’t break her water early as planned. That meant Camille had to endure labor for longer. McKay and I wanted to be near, but give her space- so we got a smoothie near the hospital. It was important to Camille that she had space while she was laboring so she didn’t have to worry about McKay and I seeing her uncomfortable (and there was nothing that I wanted except for her to have everything exactly how she wanted it). For a while, we assured her that we were not at the hospital- but then she started to get worried that she would have the baby without us there, so she wanted us close. We ended up just parking in the hospital parking garage, so we were right there when she wanted us to come up.
Not long after, we got a text From Bryce telling us that Camille was ready for us to go to our room! We walked in the hospital and went straight there. A nurse came in and explained how things would go after our baby was born. She asked if I would like to do skin-to-skin in our room, or Camille’s room. I knew I wanted to be there for Camille, but I also wanted alone time with my baby. We decided that I would stay in the room with Camille for a few minutes and then go to our room next door. Camille wanted the same thing! The nurses were so great at feeling us out and helping us have the experience that both of us needed and wanted. It also helped and Camille and I have so much love for eachother. I know we both wanted the other to be happy and comfortable just as much (or more) as we wanted it for ourselves.
Once the nurse left, I sat in the bed and McKay sat on the couch. I don’t remember talking much- just being so nervous and so excited. One feeling I felt that I didn’t expect was concern for the baby’s hea;th and safety. It had nothing to do with Camille- just that I felt so far from her. It surprised me because feeling like that hasn’t been on my radar. I just so wanted to be with my baby and feel her move and hear her heartbeat and know she was okay. At this point, we were updating friends and family.
Within just a short time, Bryce sent us a text and told us that it was time to come in the room. McKay and I were both able to be in there, which was such a blessing. We walked over to the left side of the bed. Camille was following the doctors pushing instructions and was doing so amazing. I will never forget Bryce standing next to her, rubbing her head and holding her hand and gently encouraging her. One of the most sacred things I witnessed was his love for her. Camille was pushing and McKay was staying by her head. I was trying to, but I couldn’t help peeking at Rosie coming out. I could see all her hair and she was still in her little sac. As Camille pushed again, Rosie’s head came out and I could see her sweet face. She looked like she was sleeping and I immediately started crying. She was so perfect and she was here. I think McKay was right behind me. All I could do was stare at her and pray that she was safe and okay and would cry. They slit the sac and Camille kept pushing until her shoulders were out. Because they did delayed cord clamping, they didn’t cut the cord right away, so they put Rosie right on Camille’s tummy. Rosie immediately started crying. Camille and I both had our hands on her. I rubbed Rosie’s back and just kept looking at her and Camille. We were all crying. I am not sure I have ever felt the amount of gratitude I did in that moment for Camille. The doctor let me cut the cord and then the nurse said “Okay mama, take your baby.” Even typing that makes me teary. I had been waiting to hear those words for so long. I picked up Rosie and walked over to the rocker next to Camille’s bed and just held her and cried. All the prayers, all the crying and hoping and fasting and begging…she was in my arms. Still when I hold her, I can’t wrap my mind around it. I think because she is such a miracle, she will always be a little out of reach for me, because of what a sacred and incredible and miraculous gift she is. She feels too good to even be true and I think she always will.
I sat and held Rosie in the room, and while I was doing that, the doctor was tending to Camille. Camille and I looked at eachother and I mouthed to her and asked if she wanted me to go into the next room, and she smiled and nodded. I wanted to be with her as long as she wanted, but she had also told me that she wanted privacy until she was cleaned up, which I completely understood. We went back to our room and I just climbed into the bed with my baby and cuddled her! We did skin to skin. The nurse brought in a bottle of breast milk (which I had chosen when given the option between that and formula). She helped me feed her the first time and then I was fine doing it myself. For hours and hours I just cuddled my baby, and looked at her, and took pictures, and cuddled some more- and offered silent prayers of gratitude to Heavenly Father. We were also texting Camille and Bryce and checking on Camille constantly.
Around five, they moved us down the hall to new rooms. They were smaller, but still next to each other. We didn’t see each other until we were after we were in our new rooms, and Camille had had the chance to shower. McKay got pizza, so Camille came over and ate pizza and held Rosie! Bryce had gone home to check on the kids, so he got to our room a little after. Seeing Camille hold Rosie brought me so much joy. Camille will eternally be a part of our lives. Bringing her to earth is significant and sacred and I know this has always been the plan. The love I feel for Camille is heavenly and really impossible to describe. And that makes sense, because this plan was so divinely orchestrated. This experience was not of this world. so of course I don’t have the words. Camille and Bryce both held Rosie and we all just talked and ate and loved on Rosie. Then they went back to their room, and McKay and I cuddled our girl for the rest of the night.
Rosie (whose name was “Roa” in the hospital) was a great eater! She usually ate twice as much as what the nurses would bring her. I called them often to bring more breastmilk (which is what she ate the whole time we were in the hospital). I cuddled her all night and then in the morning, McKay went to get breakfast sandwiches. I brought half of mine to Camille and not long after that, Camille and Bryce got to go home. We were at the hospital until the afternoon so Rosie could get all the test she needed. I just held her and stared at her and kissed her and then kissed her some more!
Finally, it was time to leave the hospital. SinceI hadn’t just given birth, I was able to walk out. I held her close and felt like the luckiest person who had ever lived. When we walked out of the doors, it was beautiful and sunny and it hit me again that I finally finally had my baby girl. I just cried as we walked to the car.
Some of my very favorite moments in the hospital-
Handing her to McKay for the first time. He told me to take all the time I needed, but I LOVE handing my babies to their daddy. He was instantly in love. I could see it all over his face. Just totally smitten with his little girl.
Having matching jammies with Camille and having her get in bed with me so we could snuggle Rosie!
Relaxing with my baby girl on my chest and reminding myself over and over that this was actually real
Calling the boys and showing them their new little sister
Texting my family the first picture of her- just a shot of all her hair!
Watching Bryce with Camille
When the nurse said “Okay mama, take your baby.”
Walking to my own room carrying my brand new baby girl
Putting the tiny clothes on Rosie that we had brought for her
Brushing her hair!
Starting at her non-stop
*And after we left the hospital, we were talking about how we couldn't quite call her “Roa.” We loved the name but it just didn’t feel right. Rosie came into my head. I said it a couple times out loud and we both knew it instantly- she was our Rosie girl.
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