Thursday, April 17, 2014

To my first baby

Dear Jax,

Tonight I went to check on you in bed and you had fallen asleep by your door again. I pushed it open  and looked at your bed and it made me jump a little when I saw you right by my feet- right away you opened your eyes so I picked you up and started carrying you to bed. You wanted to sleep in our bed instead, but Jonah was sleeping right in the middle of it- so I told you I would lay with you. You still didn't want to be in your bed. You cried a little bit, but I laid next to you and rubbed your shoulder until you fell asleep again. I started to get up, but you turned toward me and grabbed onto my hand and told me to stay. So then we laid there, with our noses almost touching.

I had my hand on your little shoulder, and I noticed how tiny it was. And I thought about how tiny you are and how you were only two-and-a-half. But then as I thought about it, I realized that you will be three in just about three months. How did you get to be almost three? I know that some days I seem grumpy all day. And some days you have to tell me mommy, you be nicer. But I hope you know that I never ever want you to grow up. Never. I can't imagine you not needing me to lay next to you in bed anymore. Some mommy's are okay with their kids growing up, but i'm not.

Tonight I was hoping that I wouldn't always remember what lying next to you felt like. Because when you are fifteen and thirty and forty years old, if I can remember- I think I will be sad every day- missing you when you were two-and-a-half, and we held hands while you fell asleep.


  1. oh my goodness, so incredibly sweet. <3

  2. this is so sweet! you are such a great mom and your hair is fabulous!

  3. so incredibly sweet. jax will love reading this when he's older!

  4. Gorgeous photo and words! I'm always wanting to remember every last second of sleepy snuggling I can get with my baby boy


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