Take with a grain of salt. and a brownie.

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old house

So last week when I was watching Real Housewives...
(you know this next part will have lots and lots of validity...lol)
it was said that moving was right under "death of a loved one" on the stress scale. Stupid and I don't believe it, but holy cow I hate moving. You should see my house right now, but please don't come because it's a disaster. I have learned something about myself. You know those people who literally can not do anything until everything is in order? That's me. And that's a really bad person to be when you have two kids and a husband. That person should probably be unpacking boxes and vacuuming and organizing. But there just seems like so much stuff to do. Like so much stuff that it's just exhausting and even thinking about it merits a break. So you just mix another bag of Ghiradelli brownies and watch Frozen for the 4987 time and kind of soak in the stress (oh but P.S. our oven broke so now I can't do the most important part of that). I know that's a really weird metaphor, but that's how it feels. You know when you are in a hot bath and you're kind of uncomfortable and it's too hot and you could solve the problem by getting out- but the water just makes you all lethargic and lazy and heavy?? So then you just sit there. That's what this feels like to me. But I know if I could just like start. It's not the unpacking. I unpacked. It's the living life. Like getting back into a routine. A routine like making dinner, normal bedtimes, normal cleaning-my-house schedules. I just can't do it. I don't know why. I think it's the blue carpet you guys. Maybe i'm protesting the blue carpet by not cleaning it.

I feel bad for McKay. He's tired. About once every three days I pin him on the ground and I say to him Are you okay? Are you tired? I don't get how you're doing this.  And he laughs and turns his head and says, I am fine! I just want to get it done! And then he pushes me off me and goes to do a new task while I just sit there in awe of how he can get so much stuff done in one hour. It's not fair. Why can't I just get it done? I don't get it. Why is he so much more efficient then me? He works all day and then he comes home and works more. He's a way better human.

I don't feel like writing, but I feel like list-ing and I think that doing this will be way better at documenting stuff right now, considering I cannot form anything that flows.

So here you go, my thoughts in lists:

Things to whine about:

-babies teething all night and day
-stranger's hair getting clogged in drains that I have to unclog which makes me cry from the dry-heaving
-blue carpet
-husbands who fall asleep while i'm talking to them
-weekends that aren't weekends
-bright yellow and mint green blinds (WHAT THE HECK.)
-ovens that don't work
-being pale (I don't know but I just saw a reflection of myself today and I was like...omgsh)
-i miss date nights
-being too poor for date nights

I am really really hesitant to click "Publish" right now. Just because this post is really terrible. And this makes me look like just the worst person ever- which I am right now. But this thing is for documenting, and this is exactly how I feel. I keep wondering if I should include a gratitude list- but i'm honestly not in the mood. Just so you know, I am grateful for a lot of things-
our house, my cute kids, my cute amazing husband who I do not deserve, General Conference that we just had, the sun, and a billion other things. Maybe tomorrow I will make a gratitude list.

I should really stop writing on this thing at night.