(Mariner's game a couple weeks ago)
Lately, I have not wanted to blog.
I made a decision that when I don't want to blog, I won't...so I haven't blogged regularly for a long time. These last few days I have felt weird. I haven't felt like myself. I've been tired. I've been selfish (like don't bug me, I am so tired and I need some spaceeee, and no, I don't want to bother myself with anything extra than I already have to do, and McKay, seriously, what did you eat this morning for breakfast that made so many crumbs???!! I actually said that one day.)
Clues that I am not feeling myself (because I am usually not this mean):
-McKay has been annoying me. For example, we went to Boise and he got a new retainer. His orthodontist told him to adjust it himself (can I just say what the?! what ortho actually tells a patient to do that) anyways...he adjusted it and the retainer broke...yadayadayada and so we got a new orthodontist here and he got a new retainer. $250. It's fine. It's life. Semi-annoying. Whatever. But THEN last night, he told me that his new retainer didn't feel tight enough...so that he was going to adjust it. You've got to be joking, I said, would you seriously do that? And then I said, why would you even say that? He later explained that he said that to be kind of "smart alec-y"
-Today: I was at the climax of the "feeling not myself." At dinner, McKay and I talked about it:
Ali: I am not feeling like myself. I don't know what I need to do. Maybe I need to blog...
Ali: does it seem like that to you?...That I am not feeling like myself?
McKay: yeah...you seem tired and stuff (or something like that)
(a short time of McKay pondering)
McKay: Do you think you have pre-pardum depression...?
Anyways, I love you McKay. Even when you try, on purpose, to be "smart-alec-y" to me and give me non-existant depression diagnoses. But I am solving my problem of being mean and grumpy by blogging. I won't even blame it on pregnancy hormones. And already it feels better. Just knowing I will publish this. How weird is that? That sharing my personal, honestly unimportant- stuff with the internet will actually make me feel more myself- more validated and understood (or not) as a wife and a mom and a person. Because it really does. And in about two minutes I am going to go give my
annoying husband who I love and appreciate a big hug. Because really McKay, it's not you, it's me.
P.S. does anyone even get this?