My belly is growing. I know I promised a picture when I actually got dressed...but I don't think that will ever ever probably happen long enough for me to wait for McKay to get home and take it. I get home, put on pajamas, and take off my "meat" (Jax's word for a bra!...no idea where he got that one.) So here! A clothed belly shot, and a naked belly shot. The clothed one is to be modest and the naked one to show you the real thing. Not saying that modesty isn't "real," I just mean...I don't know. You know what I mean. Naked pregnant bellies are fine.
Today started off a little rocky. Jax and I went to visit some ladies from church. One house was okay- a mom with a baby and lots of baby toys. The other house- single lady in 30's with cute, clean apartment and lots of breakables. Jax and I had been there together before. It was hard. He slammed glass candleholders together and banged his head on the carpet and sliding-glass door (because I took the candles) and it was just so embarassing. Today though, I thought, he is older now, he understands me, he will be fine. Plus, I had no babysitter. So I took Jax and we went into the clean apartment and Jax lowered himself off my lap, went to a table, knocked over, and shattered a lamp. The lamp shade was GLASS. Totally shattered. I mean, what do I even do? I kind of almost cried and kind of wanted to just leave. But obviously I just panicked (while trying to be calm) and said ohhhh myyy goshhh....I am SO SORRY. I promise I can buy you a new lamp! (thinking...where the heck do you even buy that kind?!) And she of course was so nice and said no, no, don't even worry about it! He's a baby...and it's just a cheap old lamp. It's fine! But hello, I have to do something.
We got home and Jax and I went to play at a park up the street. He was totally barefoot and happy.
When it was time for his nap, I let him fall asleep on me and then I set him on my bed and took the belly pictures. Then I walked upstairs to our bonus room where Jax was standing silently, waiting for me- awake- which kind of scared me at first, but was funny. But then McKay got home and we made omelets for dinner and watched Masterchef and cuddled- all three of us- which was the perfect night for my introvert self (did you read the new definition that I learned?) Today while I talked to my grandma on the phone (who by the way- had to be convinced that I wasn't really "a little depressed" after she had read my post yesterday.) I explained to her that I thought I just needed three days. Three days of no outside-responsibilities or people outside of my little family needing me and then I could feel rejuvenated and back-to-normal (and also blogging).
Tonight when we put Jax to bed, I stayed in his room and held his hand for a while. Sometimes I look at him like he is already four- like he doesn't want to cuddle or sit on my lap or be carried around on my hip during the day. But sometimes I look at him and I think, he is still such a baby. And he is. He is still such a baby. A baby that fell asleep on his mom today and wanted to be held and wanted to be cuddled late at night and have his hand held in his crib. And I got that overwhelming joyous-scared feeling. Like when you love something so much, and at the same time would die if anything ever happened. Sometimes I subconsciously try to dull the joy to dull the scared, but tonight I didn't, and I just held Jax's hand and stayed there. And right now I am sitting in bed next to sleeping McKay and I really want to go get Jax and just stick him in-between us! But I won't...because then he will flip horizontally and kick us in the face and all those joyous mom feelings will leave my heart.
But I just have to say, tonight counted for one whole day of my three rejuvenation days. We cuddled. We ate ice cream. Husband rubbed my feet. I got mom feelings. My kitchen is cleaned. AND I was nice to McKay...that one's for all the worried grandmas out there!