Being Mom

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The night before Mother's Day, McKay got sick. He had gotten home from a campout that morning, and by the end of the day- had chills, a sore throat and "neck throbs." We drove home from my mom's house that night and in the car he said Ali, talk to me and distract me. My neck is throbbing now... ugh. my throat...etc. etc. etc. 

I have a problem with sick husbands.

I mean, honestly, I  have the problem. I get totally unsympathetic when they start describing their pain. Not in a feminist "I gave birth! Your flu symptoms are ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" kind of way. Just in a please no... not the body-jolting coughs, play-by-play of the symptoms, acting like you're dying thing- kind of way. And I know. Definitely something I need to work on. But this is my blog and for the sake of documenting and remembering exactly how I was at 23, right before Mother's Day, I will be honest. So in response to his request of tell me stories to distract me, I replied, can I just turn up the music and you can listen to that?

We pulled into our garage, and after we got McKay situated in bed, Jax and I took off to Target to get toilet paper and Airborne and milk. We were both in our pajamas and I think I said, Jax...sit on your bottom please! about seven hundred times. In keeping up with tradition, we also opened yet another box of juice that we hadn't yet paid for. And in keeping up with our newest tradition, another lady told my child to "be careful" in the cart. After which I spent probably five minutes thinking of rude responses that I will (hopefully) never say. 

The next morning was Mother's Day. McKay got up and brought me breakfast in bed. He has this way of always pulling through, no matter what personal needs he may have. And he made some really really good crepes, which I am craving as I type this. We went to church and sat together where I silently prayed that I would feel the baby kick- and I did! THREE TIMES. And McKay and I had those this is truly all that matters. THIS is what life's all about moments all day long. 

Someone gave a talk on mothers during the meeting (of course, it was Mother's Day!). But what I really really loved, was that he began his talk by saying how hard it was to talk on Mother's Day because of the sensitivity that the day really should be approached with. My favorite thing I heard him quote was this:

Some women give birth and raise children but never “mother” them.  Others, whom I love with all my heart, “mother” all their lives but have never given birth.  Therefore, we must understand that however we accomplish it, parenthood is the highest of callings, the holiest of assignments.
-Patricia Holland, A Quiet Heart

and while searching for that, I found this:

 I believe mother is one of those very carefully chosen words, one of those rich words—with meaning after meaning after meaning. We must not, at all costs, let that word divide us. I believe with all my heart that it is first and foremost a statement about our nature, not a head count of our children.

-Patricia Holland

Two true and important statements that I really love and completely believe. Also, two things that make me wonder and hope that I doing enough.

Being a mom to Jax has been the best, most rewarding, special, sacred, and fun thing that I have ever done in my whole entire life. Lots of moments are very sweet- like when he grabs my face with two hands and turns my head to watch him shoot a basket. And lots of moments are a little hard- like when we are at Target and he's screaming at the top of his lungs and chucking everything he can reach into our cart. But both kinds of moments are moments I truly truly love and am so very grateful that I am having. I love picking him up out of his crib in the morning. I love how his favorite time to cuddle is when he is in a towel after his bath. I love how he sings along to our music in the back of the car. I love to watch him play with his dad/best friend and to know that I get to have the two cutest and sweetest boys for eternity. I love how he climbs onto our counter with me when I am doing my makeup. I love how he walks around in our shoes. I love how he pushes a chair to the counter every time we are in the kitchen. I love how cute he is when he is frustrated. I love how he always wants "juishhhh." I love how concerned he is when someone is sad. I love how much he loves my siblings. I love hearing him jump in his crib after a nap. I love being tired when he goes to bed, knowing that I am tired because I have a little boy who wears me out. I love pushing him around in carts at stores- even when he is standing- because for some reason, I always feel so happy and lucky to be pushing Jax. I love bringing him to places that I know are going to be awkward- because I know I have my little best friend with me at all times. I love his cute bare legs running through our house when he is only in his diaper. I love when he falls asleep in our bed. I love holding his hand and going on walks to find dandelions. I love listening to him say prayers, and watching him squint his eyes closed for as long as he can. 

This time in my life, right now, is my favorite part of life I have ever been in. 

I love my husband. For lots and lots and LOTS of reasons. But one of the very top reasons is because he has always worked so hard so that I could stay at home with our kids. I love him because of that dad he is. I love that he always puts Jax and I before anyone or anything. I love that I don't know one other person (besides my mom) who would sincerely be happy giving their spouse or children everything they have and work for. And that's what McKay does. Every single day. 

I love my mom. I love that she is my best friend. I love that she calls me 20 times a day and leaves a voicemail EVERY SINGLE TIME I MISS A CALL (haha, kidding, I don't love the voicemail part). I love that I don't remember one time in my life that my mom has gone and bought something for herself. I have not one memory of her buying herself even one article of clothing. She lives and breathes for her kids. I love that she listened to us and our feelings the whole time we were growing up. I love that she apologizes when she makes a mistake no matter if we are 2, 15, or 20 years old. I love that she doesn't judge anyone and will be a friend to any person in the entire world. I love that she is the only person in the world who knows the exact reassurance I need in any situation. I love that her food is still the only food that tastes good to me when I am sick and/or pregnant. I love that she gave birth to my five sibling- who are my favorite people and my best friends. Growing up, I always thought I had the best siblings ever, and as I've gotten older, I've realize that it's true- times about a million! 

So in conclusion to this long ramblement (word I think I just made up), here's to the babies who made us moms, the mothers who taught us to be moms, the husbands who let us be moms, and the women with enough love in their hearts to be mothers to children they didn't give birth to (and yes, that even includes you- lady at Target who tried to mother my child who was standing in his cart. notttttttttttt.)