Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The World Today

This was a post I started a few days ago. It was never finished and never posted. 

"Dear Jax and Baby,"

*You won't be reading this post for a long long time.

Today I realized (even more) that I need to be better. I need to be closer to Heavenly Father. We need to have the spirit stronger in our home. Because we are definitely going to need it.
Your dad went to bed tonight and I went on Facebook. While I was on Facebook, I came across a conversation that began with a photo posted by a guy I knew in high school. The guy was someone I went to Seminary with, who afterward served a mission, and who now lived in Utah. And the picture was pro-day marriage. What a confusing, sad world you will grow up in. Most of it is happy and fun and great- but some of it is really hard. I know that Heavenly Father knew that this was the time for you to come to the earth, and I know that He also knew that you were strong enough to make right decisions in your life and live with Him again.
I'm sitting on our couch with you (Jax) in bed and the baby in my tummy. Both of you are completely innocent, perfect and closer to Heavenly Father than I could ever remember being. I want you to always be that way. I know you'll make mistakes and I know that some decisions will be really hard, but I hope you both develop a testimony that Heavenly Father's way is the very best and the very happiest. 
There's lots of things in the world today that I don't know how to handle- one of those things are conversations about gay marriage. Of course I know where I stand- but to stand up for what I believe in  at a moment's notice in an articulate, loving and non-judgemental way can be really hard sometimes. When I think about things you will face in your lives that go against the truth we believe, gay marriage is always at the forefront of my mind. Of course, there are many other things 

that's where I stopped.

The other night I felt so discouraged. Worried about how my kids would grow up- what they would see, what they would hear, and how McKay and I could possible keep them desensitized from a world that is so so wrong. It's hard for me to formulate something cohesive that depicts exactly how I feel, and I guess I can't do it in an extremely intellectual and "fact-based" way like some can. But lately I have been thinking, and maybe it's not about desensitization, maybe it's about knowledge. Of course, there are many many many things that I don't want my kids exposed to, EVER. But growing up, I actually wasn't exposed to homosexual relationships or marriage until I was older, and that has been a huge concern lately for me- because I feel like that won't be the case for my kids. And part of me wishes it was.
I'm not a big "ponderer." I don't classify myself really as one of those people who enjoy sitting in silence and thinking. I think while I'm cleaning (usually subconsciously) or I think while I'm driving. Every spare moment I have, I like to fill with something. But for this subject, I have done some thinking. It's one of those things that demands it. Last night I felt some comfort. I was thinking about one common argument: "It's not our choice to be homosexual," which usually is followed by something like, "This is just natural," "This is who I am," and different variations. And then I was thinking about how much I disagree with most of those things. The only thing that I do think may hold some truth is that homosexuals feel inclinations or temptations that they did not choose.
We are all born with the natural man; therefore, we all have temptations that we must overcome.
I think that will be one of the key things to teach my kids- that people who have homosexual feelings are no different than people who feel tempted to do drugs, to gamble, to steal, etc. They are tempted to do something and have the choice not to act on it. And like every other challenge in this life, God will help them if they are working on overcoming that temptation to act. But having homosexual feelings does not mean you were born as and destined to be a homosexual person. It means you were born with a challenge that you must overcome in this life- something I believe is 1000% possible with the Lord's help.
I don't feel intimidated by the world anymore. So much of me is so sad that my kids with be exposed to these things so young, but part of me knows that this is an opportunity to strengthen them against hard things early-on. And also, to teach them that we love everyone- that we are all God's children, and it's not up to us to condemn or judge anyone. We just love them and stick to our values and hope that others can find the same happiness we have because we have the Gospel in our lives.

Heavenly Father must have saved the strongest kids for the world today and I am so grateful to have one in my home and one in my tummy.

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