Monday, March 4, 2013

Just Stop


We got home from church today and Jax fell asleep eating his lunch. McKay carried him upstairs, and I grabbed his pajamas and carefully slipped them on while McKay changed his diaper on our bed. Sometimes when Jax falls asleep, it takes me a long time to put him in his bed. He rarely falls asleep on me anymore. Barely ever. Sometimes at night, I try to bribe him and say Are you ready to go ni-night? And he says, "No." So I say, Okay, then come here and cuddle mommy. And he will for a while, but not long enough to fall asleep. So these moments when he is just sleeping- and I can just kiss him and smell him and cuddle him all I want- are really special.
I've been having those feelings lately that I had when he was a newborn baby- that I never want him to grow up. I remember packing up our apartment when Jax was just two days old, and laying by him on the floor, crying- because I was thinking about him getting older. I feel like that now again sometimes. I can't even imagine him getting big.
Today at church he was really sad when we dropped him off at nursery. I was in the Primary with my class, so I couldn't check on him, but McKay peeked in the window to see how he was doing and saw another little boy chuck a car at his head. Jax was crying and an adult in there was comforting him, but still. I wasn't there.
I just don't want him to go to school. I don't want him to get big. I want time to just stop. It's true, it really does keep getting better. But I know there will be a time when he doesn't give me kisses and he doesn't fall asleep eating his lunch or let me change him into his pajamas or cuddle me at night. And I just don't see how that could ever be as good as this.

13 comments:

  1. The pictures and the story are just priceless...

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  2. just treasure the moments as they come.

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  3. Those pictures are so precious!

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  4. oh, love it! there is this little boy in nursery who always wants to pick on my boy..since i'm in nursery i get to keep my eye on him and make sure no one picks on him haha. it makes me feel better. (plus, he's not even supposed to be in nursery for 5 more months but he comes w/ me anyways)

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  5. to make myself feel better about my baby getting older every day, I try to think about how sweet he will be as a 2 or 3 year old when he's talking and saying silly things. and I hope that for their mommys' sakes, Jax & Nolan will still cuddle and give kisses for a long time to come :)
    floral&fudge

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  6. absolutely breathtaking pictures! <3
    ::hugs:: i dont have the words to say {because i don't really know what you feel} but i'm so proud of you for cherishing these moments!

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  7. i know the feeling girl. but if it's any comfort i will tell you this. my almost eleven year old, although would die if i tried to hug him or kiss him in front of his friends, still lets me cuddle him and still asks for me to tuck him in. seriously. i don't even say anything because that might be gone in a couple of years. i think they always have that need to have momma time but i think we'll always want to go back to baby days. at least i know i do!

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  8. so sad!!! im a nursery leader with jerry and we definitely have a bully in the class. he's horrible at sharing and he's always hitting other kids. I dont have kids so idk what it's like but you'll be okay. i'm sure of it. and when you start missing your baby boy, you can always just have more :) haha okay that was a joke. kinda... anyway, at least you'll have these gorgeous pictures to look back on! looks like you don't need any photography tips afterall :)

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  9. so so sweet. sleeping babies are the most precious. i know the feeling of wanting it to slow down!

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  10. this is beautiful!
    I feel the same way! time is going like crazy!

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  11. Absolutely precious, you are a blessed momma. :)

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  12. Cute post -- and the pictures are beautiful! You are a great mom, and your little boy is so lucky to have you love him the way you do. :)

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  13. this is a beautiful post, ali! cherish these moments with your jax. :)

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