One year ago today I never knew that you could love someone so much, it felt like a part of you was missing when they weren't with you. I never knew what it felt like to hold your sleeping baby and just know to them, your heartbeat is home. I never knew what it was like to hold a tiny hand as they took their first steps, or hear a little voice whine "maama" for the first time. I never knew what it was like to open your nursery door in the morning, and see your smiling baby standing in their crib. I didn't know what it felt like to pick up your crying boy during the night and feel him fall asleep in your arms. I never knew that I would sanitize rocks in my sink...because my Jaxers would love rocks. I hadn't felt that panic after hearing a 'crash' sound before. I had never been obsessed with kissing tiny shoulders, or playing with little hands. I had never sang so many songs, or memorized so many books, or threw so many balls. I had never really avoided a crowded store, or thought about germs, or used so much Clorox. I had never laughed so much or felt so much joy or contentment. I never knew what it was like for someone to love me no matter what. I didn't know that such a tiny little guy could completely change my world, change me, and make me feel like my heart grew ten times.
I'm so glad I know now.
Happy Birthday to my little Jaxers!
I am so so glad that I get to be your "maama"
Here are 500 photos.