38 Weeks (+ three days)

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A baby is coming! A baby is coming! Hopefully HOPEFULLY this week. Last Thursday I had an appointment and doctor said that I am 3-4 cm dialated and 50% thinned-out. Kind of a bummer, cause with Jax I think I was about 90% thinned out. But anyways, he sounded like he didn't think I was going to last all the way until the 18th. I am scared though, because Dr. Shermahd is going out of town on the 13th...and I really really really want him to deliver the baby. Me and my mom think he wants to deliver the baby too. We think he "got things going down there," if you know what I mean.
...TMI?
I have an appointment on Thursday at noon, so we'll see! Hopefully he will just send me right down to floor four to Labor and Delivery. Fingers crossed. And I really don't believe in fingers crossed...sooooooo....prayers!
Today while McKay was home for lunch, he looked at Jax and said to me, "I am really excited for this next stage." I asked what he meant and he just talked about Jax growing up and being interested in different things (like superheroes- he got a Batman costume today). And I don't know why, but it kind of hit me- Jax is going to be a big brother. He won't be the baby anymore. I don't know if that has completely hit me yet- he will always be my baby- but he won't be the very littlest and that feels really weird. But at the same time, totally right! It makes no sense, I know. I guess I just feel like now I will have two babies. I just never want to look at Jax and mistakenly not see a baby. You know what I mean? I feel like that happens a lot. You have this tiny newborn, and all of a sudden, your two-year-old looks huge. And your toddler is expected to do a lot more than his little two-year-old self is used to. But  Jax still has chubby arms and furry shoulders and looks up at me every day and says, "Mommy, hold juuuu!" So now I will just have two babies. I still can't even imagine holding a newborn. Tiny feet and tiny toes and a tiny bum that goes way up in the air when you pick them up and they're stretching (that was always one of my favorite things). But the thing I am still the very most excited about is putting our newborn baby boy into our two-year-old baby boy's arms. What feeling could even begin to compare to that?!