This Couch

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It's 2:10am and I just put Jax down to bed. He had a hard time falling asleep tonight and I am so tired.

I was looking back at my old posts earlier tonight and thinking about when I was pregnant with Jax. I remember when I thought I was going to have a girl...when we found out that we were having a boy...and when we went and bought a ton of baby boy clothes. I remember being sick constantly, choking down Powerade and milkshakes and wishing that time would speed up and July would come sooner. I remember not being able to sleep and lying on the couch at three in the morning with my hands on my tummy just feeling Jax kick. I remember thinking about what he would look like, what his cry would sound like, if he would have hair, what his personality would be and what it would feel like just to hold him. I remember I was sad at first when McKay went to bed when I couldn't sleep, and then after a while I realized that I wasn't awake alone. Jax always stayed up with me. He would roll and kick in my tummy and after a few hours we would both fall asleep on the couch.

Tonight, on that same couch, I rocked him to sleep while McKay was sleeping. That same place where I laid all day, pregnant with him, wishing that he would just be born. The same place where I wondered about him, dreamed about him and felt him kick and roll around for hours and hours. And the same place that I had those first special moments...just me and my little boy. Tonight was one of those moments. I still can't believe he is finally here. I still can't believe I get to be his mommy.   :)