Oh man! It's been too long since I've written on here. It's become such a safe space though when I do, because I know no one reads it. It's kind of like an online journal. I knew I wanted one more baby (and who knows, I still don't really like saying "one more"), but definitely another after Rosie. Our family isn't complete- I wasn't ready to be done with this season of life and Ro definitely needs a buddy to grow up with. I was going to start thinking about it when she was six months, but it didn't feel right yet and I wasn't ready. I guess I wanted to start that early because I knew how long it could take- but I have had a couple really distinct impressions that I could go about this as if I was getting pregnant myself. Meaning, I could start when I was ready to start and Heavenly Father would take care of the timing.
Over the past few years, my trust in Him has multiplied and continued multiplying. How grateful I am for a Father in Heaven who I can share my concerns with and trust to help me with every aspect of them. He cares that I feel like my baby-carrying season was cut so short, and He showed me another way. This time looking for a surrogate has felt different. I know what to do. I know what it looks like. Of course, I know this is a different surrogate and our journey will be special and unique in it's own ways- but I am comfortable having a baby this way. I am so grateful I can have a baby this way. There are special miracles that can only happen here. I know we have at least one more baby in our family. I feel really stretched sometimes with what I have- but also, feel space for one more. More than that, I know that God can help me expand and will grow my capacity to what it needs to be for my family.
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