It felt so good to pick up my camera again. I am so out of practice. We were driving down to the beach and I was kind of nervous holding my giant camera, wondering if I would even remember what I was doing- but way more excited than nervous. The technical stuff came back to me so easily- the positioning myself and coming up with shot ideas...not so much. I was so frustrated because I had this idea in my head of what I wanted and I couldn't quite execute it... but i'll get there. I feel like i'm in this weird limbo between what the last seven months have been, and approaching normality. I don't really want to be normal. I SO want to be done with cancer treatments, but I feel like I have been in this little bubble for so much of this year and going back to normal life kind of feels like when you go back to class after being sick for a week- a little out-of-place, a little behind, a little out-of-practice. Kind of missing the comfort of your bed (that's a literal similarity between those two scenarios!) I don't know... kinda sounds weird. It's hard to explain. Anyways! I'm lucky these three guys make every shoot good. These pictures make me want to squeeze them. Cash was such a stinker. He HATED the trees. We had come in the morning and done pictures at like 11 in different clothes (Jax was wearing blue) and they just didn't look right. We needed red for Christmas. That morning shoot was a nightmare- freezing, kids crying, just horrible and I knew no one would want to go back out there. McKay told me we could go back sometime "in the next month" and that just didn't sit well with me because I wanted something to edit so bad. I miss editing. So we left after that first shoot and got lunch and I said (before asking McKay which was really mean!) that if the boys would do one more shoot, we would go to Chuck E. Cheese and of course they screamed "YES!!!" Worth it.
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